it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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