It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
