you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
