dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
