I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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