So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
