According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
