connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
