My nipple is on Facebook.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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