Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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