I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
