How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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