I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
