We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
