i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
