What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
