If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Randomize
