we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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