just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
