btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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