R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
