Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
