I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
