Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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