this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My pussy is not your playground.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
