I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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