this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
