It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
