oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
