i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
two words: eviction party
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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