Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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