White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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