i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
