Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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