help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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