i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
