508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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