The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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