Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
