The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
