it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
