i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
