This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
