You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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