i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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