I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
