I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I know her cup size but not her name....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
