you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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