did you get engaged???
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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