True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
