Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
