If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
