FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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