the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
