I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
