For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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