That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
